You May Not Be Asking It, But I Know You’re Thinking It.

Bleeps, since getting the little Tuckerang back in December, there’s been one question I’ve been getting over and over.

Most people ask it out loud, because they know I’m just one of those folks who will blab anything if you ask it directly.  Other folks are reserved, and politely don’t want to pry… especially considering my history.

Speaking of my history, I think it makes folks doubley curious.

Come on, you know what the question is, right?  Just say it out loud.  Get it off your chest.  I know you want to ask.  Can’t you feel the suspense?!

“Sooooooo…. ah…. you gonna, uh, do any more?”

I usually respond with “if God is willing and the creek don’t rise”.

And then…

“Ah…. how long are you going to wait?”

I can feel people’s discomfort in prying, but the curiosity gets the better of them.  Not that I can blame, I’ve mentally asked this question to not only every Infertile Mom I know but pretty much every mom I know.

“Ya going to have any more?  WHEN??”

Hell, my lady bits are all pretty much public knowledge anyways.  Folks are stressed that now I have one, I’m going to dick around for like 10 years and then I’ll be S.O.O.L. if I want to start trying again. 

Well, rest assured…

…yes, we’d like to have more.
…no, I’m not waiting 10 years.
…hell no, we’re not trying already either.

Look, I’m as excited by my future Secondary Infertility posts as the next guy.  And if Adam had his way, we’d be (ahem) getting back into the game already.  (I think Adam has a biological clock too, if you ask me.)

To be honest, I’m still a little traumatized.  Worried I’d have more losses.  Not to mention, it was tough worrying for 9 months straight.  I was grateful I got the pregnancy experience, but holding your breath for 9 months isn’t something I want to repeat anytime soon. 

And… I feel incredibly fulfilled right now.  I’m happy.  Also?  Tired.  I can’t imagine the stress of TTC on top of taking care of an infant, plus working, plus rebuilding my meth lab (stupid federal raid). 

I won’t wait forever, but I don’t see any cervical mucus examinations coming up anytime this year either. 

That said, it was an odd experience at my 6-week check up.  The doctor asks about getting back on birth control.

Say whaaaaaaa????

Birth control?  What an odd concept.  I haven’t been on birth control in over 6 years.  I almost laughed at the doctor and said, “Seriously?  What’s the point?  Do you know how much chemical intervention it took me to get to this point in the first place?”

But… there are always those stories.  Legend.  Rumor.  My sister’s friend’s cousin’s wife tried for 28 years, had a baby, and then got pregnant again right away.

Could I be that outlier?  I thought about my sweet little man and my 2 hours of sleep the night before.

“Uh, yeah.  Give me the pills.”

Have I mentioned how much I hate progesterone?  Stupid mini-pill.  It’s like postpartum depression in a tiny green package. 

It’s weird!  Trying to do something to AVOID getting pregnant.  What a betrayal to my busted plumbing! 

Alas, it is a short term irritation.

Then will come Cervical Mucus, Part Deux.

Comments

  1. Patience says:

    So glad I found your blog. I like your sass. So true, though. We haven't even conceived #1 yet and I'm worried about how long to wait before #2.

  2. Esperanza says:

    I could have written this post. Seriously. My daughter turns one next week and it's “on the calendar” (I shit you not) to start trying again in October. That would mean if we got pregnant immediately our daughter would just be turning two when we had number two, a terrifying thought. But we're assuming it will take a while, like last time and I'm kind of assuming I'll have more losses (which absolutely terrifies me in an almost surprisingly visceral way). So we're giving ourselves some cushion. And I feel so weird about it. Sometimes it feels so far away and I want to just start trying now (like I just want to get the crappy stuff over with already, and not have it looming in the future). And sometimes I think, “if we get pregnant again right away we are so f*cked, maybe we should wait a few months to start”. And sometimes I think, “what if I'm not even getting my period again by the then?! Then it will take ages to get on all the meds to start it up again.” And then I wonder if we should have another baby at all. This year has done a number on our relationship and I don't know what another baby would do to us. And I feel like we're playing with fire finding out.

    On the other hand I love my daughter so much and want to give her a sibling. I honestly, deep down inside, know we will give her one. I think I just can't stand all the uncertainty leading up to that. It was so hard the first time and now I have another human being who depends on my completely. I can't just lay in bed staring at my ceiling for hours at a time, cursing the universe, when the going gets rough.

    Also the thought of being pregnant with a one or two year old is exhausting and overwhelming.

    As for right now? I was on the mini-pill but just went off because it gives me melasma (basically a skin mustache and raccoon eyes). So now I'm charting to avoid. Talk about super weird. Now when I see EGCM I'm supposed to NOT have sex?! It's all backwards and it feels that way.

    So yeah, I totally get you. Good luck with it all!

    Esperanza @ esperanzasays.wordpress.com

  3. Antoinette says:

    I'm so glad I found your blog. I've been lurking for awhile, but today me laugh yet again, and gave me a little hope. It's so comforting to know that other “infertiles” go through the same thought processes that I do, that I'm NOT crazy. And you help me laugh about it and worry less. As well as your commenters do too.

    I was actually happy to read that you worried 9 months straight with Tucker, because although I am utterly nonreligious and otherwise super proud of my Rational, Scientific Mind, after three miscarriages I've begun worrying that its my constant worry that is causing the miscarriages. That is so ridiculous, but I can't help it. Now I know that you worried 9 months straight and you have a beautiful healthy boy to play with. So, next pregnancy I will cross “worrying about worrying” off of my long list of worries. What a relief!

  4. Keiko says:

    Great post. I'm always amazed how ppl think it's totally ok to pry into ppl's lives like this, but at the same time, I'm a classic Gemini – I get the curiosity thing. It's interesting that your husband is already ready again :)

    I talked with Dr. Lawrence Nelson, the leading POF/POI researcher for NICHD, and we talked about how it's really important for women who have finished building their families to continue with BC. Often, we're conceiving with DE, so to suddenly be one of the random 6-8% of women with POF who DO conceive naturally, it can put a terrible burden to have to make the choice to carry or terminate a genetic child. It was just really interesting food for thought and your post reminded me of that today.

    That said – enjoy being happy and comfortable right now – you deserve it! There's always time for cervical mucus 😉

  5. Yeah, that DOES happen, though!

  6. kadiera says:

    TTC with #1 for 5 years. Had him at 27 weeks back in June of 2008 due to pre-eclampsia.

    Decided after lots of thought & consultation we'd start trying this spring for #2.

    For no apparent reason, cervical mucous showed up last fall. We looked at each other and said, “why the heck not? Cheaper than seeing an RE if it works.” It worked in 2 cycles.

    #2 born last week at 28 weeks, again due to pre-eclampsia, this time after 4 weeks of in-hospital bedrest.

    I asked to have my tubes tied, since it was going to be a c-section anyway. Most surreal conversation of my life….but clearly, having another go at this would be a really bad idea…bad enough that anyone who thought otherwise probably ought to be locked up.

  7. missohkay says:

    Meth lab, bwahahaha. Someone asked me yesterday whether I was going to adopt a second one. Um, we're like a year away from having the first one done so let's not count our chickens, shall we? Not to mention that I'd like to give biology another try, which is actually what I answered. Now that I'm open about it, I'm apparently pretty darn open too :)

  8. Esperanza says:

    Oh, and I forgot to mention, the meth lab thing had me rolling. I live in a small apartment with a room under the stairs. For years we referred to that room as the meth lab. It was just a storage room really. Then we decided to make it my daughter's room and it was SO HARD to stop referring to it as the meth lab. So you mentioning a meth lab really got me going.

  9. Kakunaa says:

    What IS that? I got that question within days of bringing home P. Really? Do they forget how long???? Sigh. We were just discussing this on Twitter today (you missed that conversation!)

  10. FirstTimeMom says:

    haha you always crack me up!

    I gave you a sweet blogger award on my blog
    http://candcsurprisebaby.blogspot.com/

  11. Tarah says:

    haha – love this post. I laughed at my doctor when she asked about BC. I told her never again and she reminded me that I could get pregnant again. I said “Bring It”.

  12. Great post! You wrote my life story post IF and baby. I also felt horrible on the mini-pill and gave it up for the standard condoms. I was ok with the question at first but now it only makes me panic as a reminder that my son more than likely will be an only child. My health, age and other factors contribute to the fact that I may never be in a positon to try for #2. Sigh…

  13. Julie says:

    I love your blog! Just wanted to tell you, that person that “accidentally got pregnant” after TTC for YEARS with IF… yeah, me. I have a 22 month old daughter and a 4 month old son. It took us 4 years (surgery, meds, IUI) to have my daughter, so when the doc said BCP, I laughed. 6 months later….. yeah. BFP.

    Totally love the blog 😉

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