My life is absolutely FULL of those “that awkward moment when…” moments. Like, jam-packed, constantly living in a state of embarrassment, full of those moments. I’m pretty sure that about 98% of this blog going forward is going to be sharing those moments. With the intention that when you have those moments, you can look back on the shizz I’ve posted and not feel so bad when you accidentally send porn out to your entire work-team (oh wait, I already did that!).
This very special little moment happened last week. My boss, who is based out of a different site than I am, came to my office for our weekly one-on-one. All went well, and she left to return to her office. I had to use the restroom, but I still wanted to wait a few minutes so we wouldn’t have that “I already said goodbye to you but now I walk by you again while you’re waiting at the elevator” moments. A minute or two passes, and I’m hoping the elevator has come and gone because… I have to poop.
Two cups of coffee. A fiber bar for breakfast. Seriously, it was like this:
Ok, its *go* time. I walk out the door… no one waiting at the elevator, SCORE! Hurry into the bathroom.
I shuffle into one of two stalls in the tiny bathroom… relief is almost at hand!
I plop down… I’m about to have my “ahhhhh….” moment when I look down.
I recognize those shoes. $%^&.
My boss is right next door to me. RIGHT next door to me. Double $%^&.
What to do? What to do? Do I unleash the fury? Do I try and hold it in and wait for her to walk out? Do I try and be a fancy, delicate pooper and hope no farts come out?
I refer to the picture above. It’s *literally* like that. I was hoping to go for the “wait to walk out” option but that’s rapidly diminishing. Now my only hope is to try for a dainty poop without making it sound like there’s a failing fish tank pump happening in here….
Deep breath in… try to *gently* relax… there we go… ok this might just work… a little bit more now… ahhh…
I involuntarily release the Kracken. Apparently.
I think the odds that my boss didn’t recognize my shoes under the stall are about 3%. And the odds that she didn’t hear what just happened are about -72%.
I have long since stopped worrying about keeping some “mystery” in my marriage when it comes to ‘what happens in the bathroom’, but I think I had hoped to always maintain some of that mystery when it comes to my boss. Fortunately, she’s a classy lady so there are no worries for future teasing, awkward glances and/or avoidance of eye contact. But… still. Seriously?
PS: I happened across this when I was googling “hiding in the bathroom stall”. Thank you Google for always having an image somewhere that describes exactly what I was thinking.