Normalizing the Different

So, you might recall that I had a kid a few years back! I know, right?! It still trips me out. Four and a half years ago, to be more specific – a perfect little son named Tuck, with 10 fingers and 10 toes and everything how it should be. Adam (my husband) and I sighed the same sigh of relief that all new parents sigh when you’re informed your child is healthy. “Well, it’s all downhill from here” – said no parent ever. Of course, we didn’t think it would all be a bowl of cherries, but just knowing that we’d come through the mystery of pregnancy to find we have a a cute tiny clone of Walter Matthau minus additional fingers – well that was half the battle right? Now all we needed to add was love, snuggles, exclusively organic locally sourced non-GMO food, and Sesame Street to teach […]

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The Penis Piñata’s Name is Chauncey

In just a few days, my husband (Adam) and I will hit our 12th wedding anniversary. I bet you were expecting a wedding picture here, weren’t you? Well, jokes on you – I don’t have a picture of my wedding saved on my phone. However, in that same vein, I’m not actually sure why I have a picture of a penis piñata, though. If someone had come up to me 15 minutes ago and said, “What do you think is a more likely picture you’d have on your phone – your wedding day, or a giant mother#%$&ing pink penis piñata?” I can’t say I would have guessed correctly. Yet, here we are. Side note, I can tell you that I named that penis piñata Chauncey and planned adventures around the town with him. Perhaps that is a quest I should champion once again? Where was I going with this? Where […]

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I think WedMD Needs To Get To Know Me Better Before Making Assumptions About My Rectum

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I hurt my back. Not all my back. Just one tiny specific area. It’s about 5 square inches of my upper right butt cheek. I wish I had some heroic story on how I hurt it – I dragged 101 puppies out of a burning building. Or adventurous – I was skydiving into a volcano (I don’t know what you mean by an “exit strategy”?). But, I hurt it doing nothing. Or something so terribly generic that my body forgot to even register that it was hurt until the super convenient time of day when two small children need to be fed, bathed and put to bed. So here I was on the pain scale: I like this scale so much better, because I rarely make those emoji faces on the regular pain chart. I assume it’s a pulled muscle, ligament tear, something of the sort. But it hurt way […]

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My Fun Bags Are Now Flat Tires

Fair warning – I’m about to talk about my boobs. But not in the “oh I love my boobs and here’s a picture!” sort of way I suppose an isolated few among you would appreciate. I’m going to talk about my boobs in a way that might make someone rethink life choices. Or at least trying to get frisky for a good one to two hours. Ladies (and perhaps the pregnant-man-person from Seattle?), I need some reassurance. Cuz my boobs… they be flat. It’s deflate-gate up in here. And I don’t mean this deflate-gate:   No I mean this kind of deflate: No wait – this is sagging. Ugh I’m just making myself more upset. I had a baby last year! Surprise! He was a bit of a surprise to us too – we have nicknamed him “Dollar Beer Night”. It’s quite an ironic turn of events, given what we […]

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If You’re Looking For Some Busted Plumbing…

While it’s been a few years since I’ve blogged about infertility (and then, pregnancy) I am hoping some of you visitors dropped by to read some of those old posts! I still have aspirations of someday assembling these into a book. However, in the meantime I’ve assembled a highlights reel – and removed some of the old fluff posts. In order to get to the Busted Plumbing posts… ah I’m still trying to figure that all out. But, they’re still here. Somewhere. And when I get the proper links all settled, I’ll have them posted here and on the sidebar to the left. It’ll be a piece of cake… (I tried to find a gif from the part where the sister is all doped up on pain meds and she’s trying to snap her fingers, but alas the gif-creators of the world do not value this moment as much as […]

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